Review: NOS4A2 by Joe Hill

• ISBN-13: 9780062200570
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
• Publication date: 4/30/2013
• Pages: 704
• List Price: (Hardcover) $17.33

 Kayso, as you know, I love me some Stephen King. Also, though, I am a big fan of his son: Joe Hill. I have read everything he's written so far and liked it all (my review of Heart Shaped Box: here). So, as you can imagine, I was very excited for the release of some tasty new Joe Hill, and I was not dissapointed.

So, title = vanity license plate, which, yeah, is kinda dorky, but who doesn't like a Nosferatu reference? And is the book about vampires? Sort of. Is it about spooky Christmas vampires and a magic bike and a cool tattooed lady? Well...yes.

Plot: there is a girl named Vic. When we first meet her she's a sassy little kid who has a magic bike (yes, this reminded me of Silver from King's IT) that will take her across a magic bridge to find things that are missing. After it happens she's sick and doesn't really remember it 100%. But, as anyone who has a special ability and then two sets of memories to cover it up (because that's a pretty common thing, right?) Vic is not totally mentally stable as she grows up. She meets another gal who has powers and she tells Vic that she is the only one who can stop Charlie Manx. Who's Charlie Manx? Ah - that's right - the creepy vampirey dude who steals children and takes them to Christmas Land (which sounds fun, but totally isn't) in his magical death car (which yes, is sort of sentient, like Christine). Of course Vic tries to find him and terror ensues.

NOS4A2 has a lot working in it's favor: Vic - she's a really cool main character. She's kinda mean and nuts and has tattoos and it basically a total badass. Her lover, Lou, is a comic book nerd and has a hilarious conversation about being Browncoats with a dude nurse at one point. The bad guy - Charlie Manx, is totally creepy and his little demon kids in Christmas land are chilling (who's up a rousing game of Scissors-for-the-drifter? Anyone...? Hello...?) There's just lots of good here. The thing I like about it is that the characters are all really interesting and engaging and you root for them, and that's in addition to being super creeped out by the bad guy. It's no wonder that this book has inspired a lot of icky/awesome fan art.

Uh...I think I'll walk, thanks...

For more on Mr. Hill - you can check out his tumblr.
Soundtrack: Of course, an old school Christmas song. (and there's something definitely spooky about a Christmas song in the middle of the summer -especially when it plays on a radio that you didn't turn on)

Book Review: Misfit by Jon Skovron

• Reading level: Ages 14 and up
  
• Hardcover: 384 pages
• Publisher: Amulet Books (August 1, 2011)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1419700219
• ISBN-13: 978-1419700217
• List Price: $16.96
• I finished this book on February 22

Okay, so I picked this one up because I really like Skovron's last effort, Struts and Frets. I saw Skovron speak last year at the Rochester Teen Book Festival, and saw on his website then that we was writing a book about a demon girl, quite a departure from his last book (a realistic fiction about a teen boy in a crappy band). You know I hear demon and I'm in, so...

Jael, our heroine, is a half demon. That's right, her priest dad and a cool demon chick got it on and she was the result. Don't worry, it's cool though, cause he left the church and married the demon. (Romance!) Unfortunately, her mum died and Jael has grown up with her strict father and pretty much no understanding of her demon side. On her 16th birthday her father gives her a gift that allows her to reconnect with her demon side. Unfortunately her new demony goodness also sicks blood hungry racists demons on her, bent on keeping the race clean by destroying halfbreeds.

Oh, by the way, super strong demons are out to get you...Happy Birthday!

As if it weren't tough enough to deal with new demon powers, Jael also has a skater/scientist love interest. Also...her uncle is a fish monster. Oh, and the whole demons trying to kill her thing. I like Jael because she's pretty tough and learns to stand up for herself. Also, the scenes where she uses demony magic are really cool.

The story is written in third person present tense, which is unusual but kind of cool. There are lots of flashbacks to Jael's father's life which might be jarring for some readers. Overall I thought it was a pretty neat take on demons, with lots of historical references. I could have used a little more resolution with Jael's relationship with her father, but you can't ask for everything!

If you want a lighter, more cupcake filled version of a demon in school story, you could try Maureen Johnson's Devilish. If you're into the whole teen girl finds her place amongst her people thing try Blood and Chocolate by Annette Curtis Klaus (but avoid the movie).

The Turning by Gillian Chan

• Paperback: 200 pages
• Publisher: Kids Can Press, Ltd. (January 10, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1553375769
• ISBN-13: 978-1553375760
• List Price: $6.95
• I finished this book on July 20

So, okay. I'm a librarian. I successfully find books for high school students to read on a regular basis. I work my ass off at it. Usually I do pretty good. But there's one person who always ignores my suggestions, doesn't read what I get for him or says things like "Do you even know me?" when I try to give him something. That's my pain in the bottom boyfriend. Anyway, when school ended I brought home books for me to read over the summer and he said "get some for me too" so I did (and I looked something like this). Well he read a couple and this is one that he read. It was short, so I read it too.
Here's the rub: Ben is mad. His mom died and he's moved to England (from Canada) with his heretofore absentee father Lars (awesome name, I know). Anyway, our Ben acts pretty much like he's wearing saggy diapers that leak throughout the whole book. He is deliberately terse, rude and somehow gets away with cursing out his father on a regular basis. Now you know I love salty language, but even that isn't really saving this book for me. Oh, right, the plot: there's a Green Man called Wyliff who is (rather deviously) trying to get Ben's help to best this big bad fairy who's pissing off the world (and yeah, I know "big bad fairy" sounds like an oxymoron). Anyway, tree man, plus a little guy who reminds me of a surly David the Gnome (10 points for figuring out how to reference that shit!) try to save the day. Ben makes the brilliant decision not to tell his dad/ask for help even though Lars is a folklore expert and would definitely be able to help him.
The thing is, it's not a horrible book. I didn't like the main character but it doesn't mean that it wasn't a perfectly acceptable story for the kind of reader who wants to read every fantasy ever. My boyfriend's review is: It's like OK cake. Meaning, you're never mad that you're eating cake, even if the cake wasn't that good. But in the back of your mind, you wish it was better. So, that's the story with this one. Read at your own risk.
Soundtrack: Feed the Tree by Belly. Because I love 90's alterna-rock and trees are hungry too.

Duma Key by Stephen King

• Hardcover: 592 pages
• Publisher: Scribner; Export Ed. edition (January 22, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416552510
• ISBN-13: 978-1416552512
• List Price: $28.00
• I finished this book on July 14

Okay, so, we know I lurve me some Stephen King. But I've come to realize that just because you love something doesn't always mean it's good. There are times when I smother my beau in the night (mostly when he beats me in Spite & Malice) and there are times when I am less than in love with a specific King story. But let me tell you, lovelies, that shit did not go down here. I devoured Duma Key in a way I haven't read anything recently. Last night I skipped going to the gym because I was nearing the end and I had to finish it.
Plotacular: Edgar Freemantle (such a King name, really) was a loaded construction guy who had a severe accident that left him minus an arm, and plus a fake hip, a bad leg and anger issues. On top of that his wife of a bajilion years says: "See ya!" and gets a divorce. Bad news bears. Edgar's will to live is fading fast and his shrink suggests a move to a new place and a return to a hobby that will make Edgar happy. So he shuffles off to a big crazy pink house on one of the Florida Keys and takes off drawing again. Drawing soon turns to painting and Edgar discovers he's eerily talented. Could it be his phanton limb pain helping him? Or his head injuries? Could it be the mysterious island he's on or it's few other occupants.
The story is riveting from the first few pages and keeps building slowly but steadily to an ending that made me skip Pilates (and I am a gal who loves Pilates). There is so much classic SK here, too. It's like putting on that big comfy cardigan that you've had forever on a chilly night and finding it just as snuggly as ever. The thing I love about his books is not only is there always an amazing story going on, but there is also a multitude of likable or intriguing characters (including one who says Jesus Krispies, which I have already added to my repertoire). This book reminds me a bit of Bag of Bones, which is one of the first books I reviewed here.
For more, go over to Amazon and watch my b/f SK discuss cooking this tale up in a little video.
Also, please enjoy a new feature: I'm the kind of person who associates music with everything and reading a book usually reminds me of several different songs for a variety of reasons. So, this is just a little extra: the song the book reminds me of.
So, for the first ever Soundtrack: Wave of Mutilation by the Pixies. Cause he's an amputee. And it's on a beach. Stop giving me that look, I don't have to explain myself to you :)

The Host by Stephanie Meyer

• Hardcover: 624 pages
• Publisher: Little, Brown and Company; 1 edition (May 6, 2008)
• ISBN-10: 0316068047
• ISBN-13: 978-0316068048
• Price: $25.99
• I finished this book on July 8

That's right, lovelies: I'm kicking off my grand return to blogging with a goddam Seal of Approval: this stuff is good.
Okay, so: Stephanie Meyer has been very lucky thus far with her covers, and this one is also good. You can't tell from the picture but the silvery ring around her eye is reflective in real life.
The plot: imagine Invasion of the Body Snatchers from the Body Snatcher's point of view. That's more or less what's happened here. Wanderer, a silvery, feathery alien being has come to Earth after inhabiting many other planets. The invasion of Earth has been underway for a long time and assimilation is almost total. Wanderer is put into the body of a young girl named Melanie, the only problem is Melanie is still inside. And it's not all skipping and playing hopscotch and singing "Kid Sister and Me". Actually, Mel is pretty fucking pissed, and she torments Wanderer with her memories of her previous life and loved ones.
Right off the bat I was in love with the concept of this book. I liked being able to hear it from the alien point of view. But increasingly as you read it you begin to feel equally strong about both girls, and are therefore caught in the same conundrum as Wanderer. The story then takes you a long way away from the typical storylines and expectations the beginning drums up. When I was a little more than halfway through I couldn't believe we'd gotten to where we were.
The other cool part of it is that it doesn't read overly like a romance (Like Meyer's other works, which I effin love with all my heart and soul) and it doesn't really read like a scifi either, even though it's about aliens. It's really more about families, and fitting in and finding your place. Either way it's super good, and even though I called the ending pretty well ahead of time I was totally satisfied with it. And you know I love it when things turn out the way you want them to.

Tantalize by Cynthia Leitich Smith

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Hardcover: 336 pages
• Publisher: Candlewick (February 13, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0763627917
• ISBN-13: 978-0763627911

Okay, so here's the thing. Guilty pleasure are supposed to be pleasurable. Tantalize has all the makings of being a pretty hot teen vampire read. Except somewhere in here things fall short.
Quincy (yeah, short for Quincy Morris. From Dracula. Not even a girl's name. also from Texas. uck.) is a senior in high school with a (half) werewolf as a best friend/secret love interest. Like ya do. Anyway, apparently they live in some world where everyone knows about werepeople and vampires and they live in some kind of uneasy truce like in X-men. (Coincidentally, were = man so werepeople is manpeople? boo.)
So Quincy's fam owns a restaurant but now the only surviving family members are her and her passive aggressive Uncle. They are remodeling the place to be Sanguini's (get it?) a vampire themed restaurant. And the chef dies at the last minute and they need a new one and of course Quincy is the one to train him/oversee his vampire routine and creation of the menu.
In short order Quincy adopts a skipping school problem almost as serious as her shiny new drinking problem. She also alienates her were-boyfriend and develops an uneasy crush on the dockers-wearing blond cook who she's supposed to be turning into a vampire chef.
This ends, I'm sure you could guess with Quincy tied up in the bonds of some vamps. There are the makings of some good stuff here, but it all goes kind of flat somewhere around the addition of baby squirrel to the menu and Quincy donning a crazy lady dom outfit.
Not a fan of the characters in here so much, and there's nothing really sexy going on although it really seems like there should be (with a title like Tantalize....just sayin'). Oh, jebus, I forgot to tell you. None of the other werepeople turn into anything cool. Here's a thought for you: were-armadillo. Not Sexy! I want to hit this book's nose with a rolled up newspaper and say "Bad book! No were-armadillo! Bad!"
Here's the thing: I was hoping this would be some nice filler until I can read about Edward and Bella again, but it only made me miss them more. le sigh.

The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray

• Hardcover: 832 pages
• Publisher: Delacorte Books for Young Readers (December 26, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385730306
• ISBN-13: 978-0385730303
• List Price: $17.99
• I finished this book on Jan. 14

You may remember that I read the others in this series and have been eagerly awaiting this book for some time now. Also, let me say that these book have the coolest titles and covers. Double extra points and a cherry on top for Ms. Bray. To catch up, read my reviews of the other two books: here and here.
So: in the last book our heroine, Gemma, bound the magic of the realms to herself and promised to make an allegiance with the other forest folk. Let me stop here and tell you a story: the other night by b/f and I went grocery shopping and while I was picking out lean cuisines he threw a frozen pumpkin pie in the cart. Me: "What's that for?" Him: "Our faces." What he really meant was we were going to cook a whole pie, not offer any to our pals, and hoard it and eat it like the dirty pie sluts we are. Selfish pie. Cause you know if you start offering it out then it's gone before you know it and then...no pie. Do you see where I'm going with this? That's right, Gem begins to feel less and less like sharing. Other characters in this book work hard to gain Gemma's good graces by being completely untrustworthy. Not to mention that out of all the nogoodnicks to choose from Gemma picks the worst (Circe, the big bad from the previous book who is now imprisoned) to seek help from and she gives her power. Boo! Another boo? One of my favorite characters totally bites it. Balls. Also: things don't necessarily go the way you think they will in the end, but either way it's satisfying.
On the plus side: there is kissing with Kartik (mmm, forbidden Indian...nutritious and delicious.) Also, the girls seek to create lives for themselves outside of the narrow roles that their culture expects them to play. I love this. Someone becomes an actor. Oh! And someone comes out of the wardrobe (worst gay related - historical fiction joke ever? the world may never know). Hint: it might be someone who is very beautiful and who you thought only loved herself. So, with making one of the characters gay Ms. Bray has successfully covered all teen "problem novel" issues plus written a fantastic historical fiction/fantasy series that is not only deep and beautiful but it looks great on a shelf. Well done. I say: seal of approval to you!
p.s. this is my 100th book review on this site. thanks for reading!

The Tarot Cafe Volume 1 &2 by Sang-sun Park

Volume 1:

• Paperback: 184 pages

Publisher: TokyoPop (March 8, 2005)

• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1595325557
• ISBN-13: 978-1595325556
• List Price: $9.99

Volume 2:

• Paperback: 184 pages
• Publisher: TokyoPop (June 7, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1595325565
• ISBN-13: 978-1595325563
• List Price: $9.99

First off: my new puppy ate one of these books, which is awful. We won't be repeating that mistake again. In any event: Viggo says they are tasty.
So: this is a fairly popular comic book series. Basically you have Pamela, who has crazy hair, tells fortunes and runs the cafe. She happens to tell fortunes to a hodge podge of different folks: like a dude who's really a cat. Or a blind male model/vampire. So, what you really have is little vignettes of their stories framed by Pammy in the cafe.
The vignette I liked the best was in the first book with the vampire dude. He keeps finding his true love over again and then offing her sister. I hate when that happens. There is also a cool one about a puppet master who's boy puppet falls in love with him. Please enjoy a visual sample, here:

The next book has a little more about Pamela and there's also a werewolf boy, which is cool. I can see how this is popular with the tweeny girls cause it has some dark ideas/themes plus fantasy fun. Here's one thing, now: anime male characters are often very pretty but these guys are downright beautiful (and they might be wearing lip gloss. strawberry lip gloss) and I often had to use context clues and dialog to make sure I knew the sex of the character. See, check out cat boy, pretty, huh? I wish my lips were that full. Either way, it's something I found funny and a little odd. Boys will have to be pretty secure in their masculinity to dig on this as much as the female of the species.
If you lurve this series you can join a fan group here. Also, here's the TokyoPop webpage, if you want to check out similar manga.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Audio CD
• Publisher: Listening Library (Audio); Unabridged edition (August 23, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307282279
• ISBN-13: 978-0307282279
• List Price: $50.00
• I finished listening to this audio book on Dec. 22

I always think it's funny when you listen to a book on tape read by a woman and they do the voices. Lynn Redgrave read this and she was amazing, her voices and accents were outstanding. However, many times, when women try to do men they sound like old men because the woman does the voice gruffly to distinguish it from her own. The reason I'm telling you this is because I imaged Mo to be much older than Brendan Frasier who will play him in the movie. You can see the trailer here.
Okay, so, Mo is a bookbinder and he has a secret: he can read things out of books. This is fucking awesome except he can't necessarily control the things he reads out. For example: 9 years ago Mo was reading his wife a story and he accidentally read out two really bad guys, one sort of good guy and read his wife into the story. Balls. I hate it when that happens. Anyway, this is all news to Meggie, his daughter, until the sort of good guy, Dustfinger, shows up and starts a kerfuffle. Turns out, the big bad, Capricorn, has an even bigger bad he wants Mo to read out (not to mention treasure and wenches) of his story while Dustfinger desperately wants to be read back in.
Then, the good guys do lots of stupid things, like get themselves caught, get themselves put into nets and get all their books burned. Double balls. Eventually, they come up with some pretty lame plans to save the day. I don't mean to make fun, it's just this: if I were ever caught by the bad guy I would be very docile and agreeable. Seriously, I feel like things work better if you are not so obviously trying to escape. Maybe play along. People in books never do that, especially pre-teen girls. Give me a break, I would be baking Capricorn and his creepy mother cookies and offering to do their laundry so as not to get myself kilt.
Oh! Dustfinger has a marten with horns. That's this kind of marten, and not Marten Broadcloak, in case you were wondering. P.S. I want to snuggle with a marten. Additionally: my new puppy's middle name is Marten. His first name is Viggo (as in the Carpatian)
So, one of the things I liked about this book was the complete reverence the characters had for books. It was funny to read this and the Thirteenth Tale at the same time because they were both bibliophile books.
I am excited about this movie, but I am worried that it will be cheesy and I can tell from the trailer that lots of made up extra stuff goes down. Either way, I have a crush on Paul Bettany and I hope to see lots of him breathing fire. I also have a crush on Helen Mirren, so that should be good too.
Anywho: this is part of a trilogy, and you can read more about it here. I shall be reading the second book at some point, that's a promise. In case you were wondering, if I could read things out of books I would read out Oy from the Dark Tower series. I would want to read out Edward from the Twilight Saga, or Roarke, from the ...In Death series, but the truth is: they wouldn't be into me so that would be a bummer. I like to think that Oy and I could have fun though. Oy! Un!

Film Review: I Am Legend

• Based on the book: I Am Legend
  
• Directed by: Francis Lawrence
  
• Screenplay by: Mark Protosevich and Akiva Goldsman
• Warner Bros. Pictures (2007)
• PG-13
• 101 min.
• I watched this film on Dec. 14

Okay, so I'm not trying to be one of those asshats who's all: "Oh, the movie was sooo much better than the book!" because: fuck that noise, the are different things. But I will be the first to tell you if a movie is different. You may remember that I read this book and reviewed it: here. Also, here's more info on the book, but beware of spoilers in that link.
Anyway, Will "Parents Just Don't Understand" Smith is Robert Neville here and his name, the general scenario and the title are about the only similarities to the book. But let's put those facts aside for a moment and discuss the film.
Smith, as usual, is beautiful, strong and really an actor who deserves more credit. I would image it's pretty damn hard to carry an entire movie with only yourself, a dog to deal with (also some hungry girl at the end - eat a cookie!). He is entrancing as someone who is in this impossible situation, who is both fixed on survival and a bit mad. I actually teared up (just call me Weepy McEstrogen) at one part just because of his face. I literally couldn't watch he was emoting so believably.
So, you can imagine that the story of the last(ish) man on Earth is a fucking bummer, and that's true. But, it's also creepy. The vamp/sickies were creepy, though a little too CG at times. Either way, I do not want to get eaten by one of those guys.
Okay, now, the things they changed, ie: everything. They totally changed Skinny McHungrypants as a character which was lame and that in turn changed the whole effing ending and the reason for the title. Which is kind of lame. I'm not going to get into it, you should read it, but trust me, it's bizarre. Though, this ending gave a more sunshiny, lollipops kind of ending, unlike the book.
Once again, I really did like this movie. It was intense, it was creepy, there were some good jumps and there was lots of emotion (possibly even a chuckle). So, see it. But...you know, read the book too.

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion (March 27, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 142310126X
• ISBN-13: 978-1423101260
• List Price: $8.99
• I finished this book on Nov. 26

So, first off: this is the first book finished/review from my new house! I'll be posting pictures soon, once we're more situated.
Right, the book: have you ever heard of vampires with different colored blood? Now you have: thanks to this YA vamp tale. Fucking get this: they are rich kid vampires...and they really have blue blood. Ack.
Our heroine Schuyler (who shall henceforth be called Skylar cause that's cooler and I can't spell that other Dutch nonsense) who is apparently a "young Kate Moss" (p.s. i can't stand kate moss. too skinny, not cute, coke addict, grossest boyfriend ever. hate! so much hate i refuse to capitalize. or write complete sentences!) Anywho: Skylar is from a super rich family and goes to some crazy prep school in NYC. Apparently she is goth, and dresses like a homeless person, but also sometimes models. The fuck? Whatever. So, she finds out she's really a vampire. There's some really bizarre vampire history here about how they are totally immortal and die so they can chill out, but then their memories are reborn or something. I dunno, I didn't really get it/like it.
Anyway, nothing is supposed to be able to kill the blue bloods, but (dun dun dun!) something is. Oh noes! So, Sky has to figure it out with the on again off again help of Jack Force, fellow vamp and sometime douche bag. Also, there was something about Jack having to marry his twin sister. V. C. Andrews, anyone?
What I didn't like about this (besides the above) is that these rich kids have an irritating sense of entitlement. Why are three 15 and 16 year olds sitting at a hotel bar drinking cocktails, not to mention getting into clubs. Also, I can't stand name dropping of any kind and there's a fuck-load of that in there too. The only fashion I know is Project Runway (what happened to Andre?)
and I'd like to keep it that way. Do not talk about designers/brands to me in order to impress me, thanks.
So, yeah. Oh, I forgot to mention that absolutely nothing goddamn happens in the end. Not a thing is resolved. At all. Cause there's a sequel. Something about Italy. Or space pirates, I wasn't really listening. Cool cover, but I still wouldn't recommend it.

The Dark Horse Book of Witchcraft edited by Scott Allie

• Hardcover: 96 pages
• Publisher: Dark Horse (June 30, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1593071086
• ISBN-13: 978-1593071080
• List Price: $14.95
• I finished this book on Nov 11

So, this little collection was on the "Shelf of Shame" at my school. Meaning that, some other esteemed librarian in the past had found it to be inappropriate for our students. I took it home to investigate.
So, what we have here is a collection of what appears to be a smattering of different animated stories about witches and witchcraft. For example, there is a tale about a toad-like witchie poo who by force of potions gets a young man to have creepy toad sex with her. Note to attractive young men (or anyone really) it is very unwise to drink any concoction cooked up by a crone who you expect to be a witch. Honestly. It's as bad as Ofelia eating the grapes. There was also a comic book treatment given to the witches from Shakespeare's Macbeth as well as a little Hellboy action. Of course, don't forget a story about Tituba and the Salem Witch Trials. That one actually had the illustrations I liked the best.
Now, crammed in the middle of all this is an interview with a Wiccan laywer Phyllis Curott who talks about the actual religious practice of witchcraft. Including something like this is a good idea, however, the questions and answers that make up this particular interview did not particularly do it for me. I feel this book would be aimed at school age kids, and this interview would go right over their heads. If you're really interested in reading about Wicca I recommend trying Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham, or if have goth-leanings then maybe Nocturnal Witchcraft: Magic After Dark by Konstantinos is for you (Konstantinos also has a good Vampire book out there, in case you're interested.)
Anyway, the moral of this whole story is: I didn't find anything in this book that I would think is totally out of hand for my high school students to read. There's a little sex talk in the toad-lady story, but nothing overly graphic (and, thankfully, no in your face picture of toad-boobs). However, there is something of a mixed message in here. The forward and the interview with the real witch trying to dispel the stereotype of old gross crone doesn't really jibe with the wart covered old ladies of questionable hygiene portrayed within. Then again, getting rid of witch stereotypes is about as simply done as getting rid of librarian stereotypes, so what can you expect. (Very few people can refrain from making a crack about my specks when I tell them I'm a librarian.)

Dracula: the Graphic Novel by Bram Stoker, Gary Reed and Becky Cloonan

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Puffin (March 2, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0142405728
• ISBN-13: 978-0142405727
• List Price: $10.99

Let's start with the cover shall we? Wow. First, Dracula looks like a male stripper/Elvis impersonator version of a vampire, no? Not nearly as sexy as Stuart Townsend or Keifer Sutherland (or really anyone from the Lost Boys) and not nearly as creepy as Bela Lugosi. Also, Mina looks like Christina Ricci. A lot. Not that there's anything wrong with that but she should totally sue.
Okay, that's off my chest. Now, the actual illustrations. There's nothing wrong with them, per say. It's just that...well...everyone looks like they are in a goddamn emo band. Seriously. It's bizarre. Please check out Jonathan Harker getting bitten by Dracula here: He's all "Oh noes! Please don't mess up my eye makeup!" All I'm saying is: he looks like Pete Wentz. Which is bad news. (Damn you, Becky Cloonan, for making me admit I know who that douche is.) And you think Dracula looks bad there? When he gets young he grows flowing locks of fury. Spooky! The female characters actually look pretty good. They have good hair that artfully blows into their faces as all comic book females should (I wish my hair did that). Dr. Seward looks like a malnourished Snape with a ponytail. And he's inexplicable sweaty. Oooh! And Van Helsing sort of looks like a wolf man.
Thirdly: the adaptation. I'm not saying it's bad. But I'm not saying it's good. I'm just saying this: if I hadn't just read Dracula I would probably be very confused.
I have to hope that this kind of book would appeal to the tween population and maybe I'm just too old and lame to get it. But, I kinda doubt it.
Now, for fun: please enjoy a booknerd recommended video. My excuse for posting this is that this song is definitely vampiric. And it's effin rad. Thanks, Chip!

Sweetblood by Pete Hautman

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Mass Market Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Simon Pulse (August 10, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0689873247
• ISBN-13: 978-0689873249
• List Price: $5.99
• I finished this book on Oct. 29

Here is what happens when I have to go through a list of all the titles in my library. I start adding titles to my list of books to read like a crazy person. Also, I have added this to my challenge reading list and switched it up a bit because I just bought a house and I'm busy (this is my excuse for everything right now, and it tastes good)
As you may know, my dearies, I do love vampire stories. I also love YA lit. This little gem combines both those into a neat little package. So, Lucy (hehe, I just got that reference to Stoker when I typed it) is a 16 year old diabetic goth (but she'll tell you she's a not-goth. oooh, goth-served) and she has a fantastic theory about vampires. Little Miss Lucy says that original vamps were actually people suffering from advanced diabetes. She writes an extremely cool paper on this topic for her English class which definitely freaks out her teacher and parents. And you know what that means...time for a shrink! Also, Lucy spends lots of time in vampire chat rooms and finds herself mixing with some very questionable people at parties.
This is a very interesting take on illness, goth kids and teen angst. As I write this I find I'm liking it more and more. I suggest reading it just to check out the paper that Lucy wrote her teacher elaborating on her diabetics as vamps theory. It's a cool idea and vamp enthusiast should check out.

Dreamcatcher by Stephen King

• Paperback: 684 pages
• Publisher: Albin Michel (April 9, 2003)
• ISBN-10: 2226131906
• ISBN-13: 978-2226131904
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on Oct. 27

So, as you know, I lurve me some Stephen King. And oddly, I have never read this book before. However, I did watch the film version from 2003 when it came out in theaters. Now, the movie actually follows the book pretty closely but for two things: though Morgan Freeman is effin awesome, he's not Kurtz in my head. You know who is? Maybe a crazy Kevin Spacey, I dunno. The other thing is: was there some obsession with the song Blue Bayou in the movie? I seem to remember that, but it's totally not in the book. (and great, now I have it in my head mmm Linda Ronstadt is dreamy...)
Okay, back on task: shit weasels. That's right. This one is about creepy crawly skeeviati monsters. And evil foliage. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a real synopsis? Here goes: a group of four friends go camping in the Maine woods and aliens slowly start to take over the world via red fuzz and creepy parasites that cause their hosts to cook up some super-funktastic farts. Also, the superfriends have a mysterious fifth pal, Duddits, whose powers have rubbed off a bit on the others. My friends did give me a Harry Potter Sorting Hat, but that's not quite as cool as goddamn telepathy. Just sayin...
So, this book was super gross and cool. One of the characters gets sort of taken over by an alien and lives for a while in an office in his own head. I loved those scenes, I got chills once or twice somewhere in there. Another example of the magic of my b/f SK. I read this book for the challenge and it gets extra points for allowing me to type the phrase 'shit-weasels' (there! I said it again. hee)

Dead on Town Line by Leslie Connor, illustrated by Leslie Connor

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Paperback: 144 pages
• Publisher: Puffin (November 2, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 014240697X
• ISBN-13: 978-0142406977
• List Price: $6.99
• I finished this book on Oct. 14

This is the peril of a librarian: there you are, walking along, straightening shelves, and books literally jump out at you. Some of them whisper: "Hey, bee, read me, I'm totally cool." some sort of shout "Hey! Read my ass!" some just sort of stand aside, aloof, knowing you will be drawn to them. This was one of those. Despite the fact that I had serious work to do, and despite the fact that I have books to read for the R.I.P challenge (which I am diligently working on, I swear) I had to read this one. And, since it was just a brief sort of taste of a book, I didn't feel too bad.
So, anywho, here it is: Cassie is dead, and they can't find her body. She is watching them search, but they aren't getting close enough because she's right on the line between two towns and they aren't looking there. This story is told in free verse. Honestly, I have never had the least interest in free verse (I always politely look the other way and try to look busy when Out of the Dust starts tapping me on the shoulder) but for some reason, this just seems so appropriate. And haunting. And sad. And sort of beautiful. And even though you couldn't pay me to read this out loud I really liked the format.
Most of the pages have black and white illustrations on them. Leaves or music notes sort of twirl around the poems. Some illustrations, such as a beautiful one of a field of birds, take up whole pages. The drawings are done by Gina Triplett, an artist who apparently designed her own set of Chucks. Her other illustrations are very cool, I particularly dig this one.
The story is sparse, and I'm not sure which, if any of my students would like this book, but it definitely wormed it's way into me and I thought about finishing it all weekend while I was out of town. Ms. Connor has apparently written some other stuff, so I might try to dig some of that up in the future. Either way, this is a very fall/spooky story. All the reviews/info I peeked at are all: "Blah, blah, blah, Lovely Bones, blah blah." I say boo to that. Does every story about a dead girl have to get compared to that? No. Some books should stand alone. Quiet. Aloof.

Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke

• Paperback: 1040 pages
• Publisher: Bloomsbury Publishing PLC (January 2, 2007)
• ISBN-10: 0747590052
• ISBN-13: 978-0747590057
• List Price: $17.99
• I finished this book on Oct. 3

Okay, my lovelies. First off: this book took me forever to read. For-ev-er! (name that movie). That is no indicator of quality, mind you, it's more due to it being very long, very British and me trying to adjust to my new work schedule. I promise I will be reading much more frequently, starting...now. p.s. this is the first book I've read for the R.I.P. Challenge.
Anywho: the story. Imagine an alternate version of 19th century Britain in which there is a long history of magic lost, a shady King and two emerging practitioners of magic. Mr. Norrell is set about reviving English Magic, which he does by stamping out any other magicians in the area and buying all the books of magic so that no one else may read them. He's cranky Wilfred Brimley, he's that guy at the restaurant that eats alone and complains that his soup is too cold, he's that creepy uncle that you don't want to get stuck in conversation with. Then there's Jonathan Strange, who becomes Norrell's pupil. Strange is arrogant, young and a quick study of magic. They have an increasingly strained relationship as Strange becomes more independent and skilled. Norrell asks a fairy for help who then causes a wicked ruckus amongst pretty much all involved. Will Scooby and the Gang figure out how to break the enchantment in time?
Ms. Clarke loves footnotes. She is dating them and I have heard that the relationship is growing quite serious. These footnotes are nothing like the brief snippets in Anansi Boys. These are serious, not to be effed with footnotes. They will school you in a fight. I quite enjoyed said footnotes, except more than once I would get all sidetracked thinking about what I just read in it and forget about the actual story. Either way, it was neat. And weird.
Also, for fun, Lord Byron is a character. And briefly Mary Shelley. And, they talk about how the weather in the year 1816 was very strange and the summer was very cold. Also, Frankenstein is one of the books I will be reading for the challenge. For that reason (and that it is pure awesomeness) I am giving you a booknerd exclusive: a video. I swear it's pertinent. Or not. Enjoy!

The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: Recorded Books, Inc. (1988)
• Language: English
• ASIN: B000JWW2G4
• I finished listening to this audio book no Sept. 21

So, I own a copy of this book, I don't know where I got it, but when I went to read it all the pages where in super bizarre wrong order. So, I got it on tape from the library.
I have seen lots of different takes on this story. Remember Bill Cosby, or (terrifyingly) Kevin Bacon and his invisible nudie shots? Yikes Stripes. (Uh, scratch that: upon further investigation Bill Cosby was a ghost in that movie, not invisible. Either way, it was bad). And once again, after hearing the real story I am surprised at the original.
It's mostly an account of what happens after our hero (whose name, we will learn, is Griffin) is already invisible. He's actually kind of bad at it. I'm not saying that I would be better, but I like to think if I found myself invisible I would be a bit more stealthy. Also, he's quite rude to people, which makes him suspicious. Apparently he doesn't know you catch more invisible cats with sugar (or something). Anyway, so he makes a series of mistakes, gets busted and shenanigans ensue. And before he was invisible? He was an (presumably ornery) albino. So, you know, things kinda went from bad to worse with him.
The reader here was an English woman and it's always funny to me when women do men's voices in books on tape. It always leaves me with an impression that every man in the story is sort of a pansy whiner. But, she did do a great cockney accent so that was cool.
Overall, the story was interested, and it led me to think about what I would do if I couldn't be seen. Cause our crank-meister Griffin thought it was gonna be cool to kill folks cause they couldn't see him. That's just rude. I think I would probably cause much tamer mayhem. Like, you know, switching the soup at Bennigans, or goosing people.

The Metamorphosis by Peter Kuper and Franz Kafka

• Hardcover: 80 pages
• Publisher: Crown (August 5, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1400047951
• ISBN-13: 978-1400047956
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on Sept. 16

So, you know what super sucks? Turning into a giant bug. Really, really sucks. That's what happens to Gregor Samsa in Franz Kafka's 1915 novella. This is a graphic novel adaptation of that story done by artist Peter Kuper. His stuff is weird and very cool. My estimation of this gentleman when up considerably when I realized he feels pretty much the same way about G.W. Bush that I do. Anywho: his website is cool, check out the stock illustrations.
So, the story at hand. I confess that when I read the original for some class or another in undergrad I thought it was only okay. I see why they make kids read it and everything, but really: it's just kind of a bummer. Likewise: the graphic novel is scratchy black and white. It is harsh, it is ugly. Except: Gregor the MacDaddy Beetle himself. He's not that ugly. He often looks like a sort of very concerned cartoon dad's head on top of a bug body. I keep thinking that he probably sounds like the dad from The Oblongs. Actually, he kind of looks like him too. Weird. I know that was a horrible description, so feel free to look at pages out of the book here, and here. There was a bit of coolness with the text going in different directions, or following the pattern of Gergor's shell. Overall, though: it was a bit strange. I'm not sure that reading this would make any kid want to read the actual book.
You can study up on the original version at sparknotes, if you're interested, but I'm all set. My grade for this one: meh.

Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

• Mass Market Paperback: 400 pages
• Publisher: HarperTorch (September 26, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060515198
• ISBN-13: 978-0060515195
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on September 11

So, my lovelies, another tasty Gaiman book. Amazon calls this a companion piece to American Gods. I'll buy that, however, it's a totally stand alone story in it's own right.
Mr. Nancy (who was in AG) is actually an incarnation of Anansi, a rather jaunty spider god. This book is about his son Fat Charlie who, in the course of the first few chapters, finds out that his father has died, his father was a god, and he has a brother. How's that for a shocker? Also, extra points to Mr. Gaiman for throwing in karaoke, wax fruit, and a literal barrel of monkeys.
As you may remember, I raved over the chocolate covered cherry sweet Stardust (and also the movie, here). This one, while equally amazing, was really more like a savory four course dinner. There were several interesting characters, an awesome, twisty plot and lots of little jokes. I really thought Charlie's inner thoughts were really funny, especially those about Rosie's mom. Ooooh, also fantastic chapter titles. For example: Chapter Five: In which we examine the many consequences of the morning after. Love!!
As I have mentioned ad nauseam: Gaiman has a fantastic blog/website, which you may look at: here. You may also read more about this book and American Gods at wikipedia, if you're interested in that sort of thing.