Book Review: The Plot Whisperer by Martha Alderson

• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: Adams Media (October 15, 2011)
• ISBN-10: 1440525889
• ISBN-13: 978-1440525889
• List Price: $8.98
• I finished this book on January 2

Okay, soooo...first off, thanks to my gorgeous and talented sissy for letting me borrow this even though it was a Christmas present and you clearly didn't want me to take it.

Alright, let's get down to business: the book. It's about...well....books. Okay, I've probably checked about 15 books on writing in the last couple of years. My favorite so far is Stephen King's On Writing and to be honest, it's only 50% about writing (the other 50% is memoiry. Yeah, that's a word). The other ones? Yeah...I'm not saying I didn't read them but...I didn't finish a single one. The closest I've ever gotten to finishing a book about writing was 90 Days to Your Novel of which I probably read 3/4. Why am I telling you this? Because you should know I read this whole book cover to cover. And that's got to say something.

The book has some slightly cheesy encouragement parts and a lot of stuff about how your story fits in the "Universal Story"

The Universal Story would be more fun if there was a luck dragon in it.

But aside from that stuff the book is a solid, step-by-step plot building guide. Alderson takes you from the general story stuff to the in depth: character development, transitions, themes, all the elements you need to develop a great story out of your ideas. As in all books about writing Alderson uses several examples from classic works and popular literature. Now...I read a lot, and I will tell you, it's pretty rare that one of these books references a book I have read. This one mentioned at least two or three I had read amongst the many I had not. Gold star for me.
I think this book's advice was particularly helpful for me because of where I am in the writing process - I have finished a first draft (which is mildly terrible) and am revising. I was able to take many of the suggestions and apply them to my story.
If you're a writer, I would wait to begin this book until you have some semblance of an idea to work with before starting. If you follow the steps in the book you will end up with a crazy thorough plot diagram that looks like a rainbow threw up post-it notes on a posterboard.

And really, if you have that many post-it notes you should be doing this...

In google stalking Mrs. Alderson (like ya do) I found her crazy involved website and a shit-ton of youtube videos she's posted on plotting if you're into that sort of thing. Though, curiously, I couldn't track down one novel she's written, so....weird.
Either way: I liked this. It definitely gave me stuff to think about while I'm revising. I'll probably be featuring different parts of the book as I apply them to my writing process

Duma Key by Stephen King

• Hardcover: 592 pages
• Publisher: Scribner; Export Ed. edition (January 22, 2008)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1416552510
• ISBN-13: 978-1416552512
• List Price: $28.00
• I finished this book on July 14

Okay, so, we know I lurve me some Stephen King. But I've come to realize that just because you love something doesn't always mean it's good. There are times when I smother my beau in the night (mostly when he beats me in Spite & Malice) and there are times when I am less than in love with a specific King story. But let me tell you, lovelies, that shit did not go down here. I devoured Duma Key in a way I haven't read anything recently. Last night I skipped going to the gym because I was nearing the end and I had to finish it.
Plotacular: Edgar Freemantle (such a King name, really) was a loaded construction guy who had a severe accident that left him minus an arm, and plus a fake hip, a bad leg and anger issues. On top of that his wife of a bajilion years says: "See ya!" and gets a divorce. Bad news bears. Edgar's will to live is fading fast and his shrink suggests a move to a new place and a return to a hobby that will make Edgar happy. So he shuffles off to a big crazy pink house on one of the Florida Keys and takes off drawing again. Drawing soon turns to painting and Edgar discovers he's eerily talented. Could it be his phanton limb pain helping him? Or his head injuries? Could it be the mysterious island he's on or it's few other occupants.
The story is riveting from the first few pages and keeps building slowly but steadily to an ending that made me skip Pilates (and I am a gal who loves Pilates). There is so much classic SK here, too. It's like putting on that big comfy cardigan that you've had forever on a chilly night and finding it just as snuggly as ever. The thing I love about his books is not only is there always an amazing story going on, but there is also a multitude of likable or intriguing characters (including one who says Jesus Krispies, which I have already added to my repertoire). This book reminds me a bit of Bag of Bones, which is one of the first books I reviewed here.
For more, go over to Amazon and watch my b/f SK discuss cooking this tale up in a little video.
Also, please enjoy a new feature: I'm the kind of person who associates music with everything and reading a book usually reminds me of several different songs for a variety of reasons. So, this is just a little extra: the song the book reminds me of.
So, for the first ever Soundtrack: Wave of Mutilation by the Pixies. Cause he's an amputee. And it's on a beach. Stop giving me that look, I don't have to explain myself to you :)

The Schwa Was Here by Neal Shusterman

• Paperback: 228 pages
• Publisher: Puffin (March 2, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0142405779
• ISBN-13: 978-0142405772
• List Price: $6.99
• I finished this book on Feb. 2

I somehow have never read anything by Neal Shusterman before, though I just got in a bunch of his books in our most recent order. So, I thought I'd give this one a try.
Our narrator, Antsy, tells us the funny and tragic story of the Schwa. Okay, actually, the Schwa's story isn't funny, but Antsy is. He speaks in annoying-ish Brooklynese, but it's not so annoying you're mad at him. Mostly, he's funny. Anyway, the Schwa: he's this kid who's invisiblish. The Schwa takes the normal easy to miss loner kid thing to new territories, there are times when he's in front of folks and they can't see him. His past is as shady as his present, and his mother (according to town legend) either disappeared, or was killed and her body was mailed to all 50 states (ouch).
Antsy, the Schwa and some secondary pals set out to find the limits of the Schwa Effect. It's all pretty impressive until they get big time busted and pull dog walking duty for the town recluse. This of course (because it is a YA novel) changes their lives. There is loving, losing, and truth-telling that is pretty realistic, actually.
Good plot, interesting characters and extra points for a cover that I keep looking at and seeing characters (oh, that's Ira! look, Manny Bullpucky's severed head!). The story was apparently optioned to Disney in 2006 but I don't think anything's come of it yet. Truthfully, I feel the story might be better if kept in book form. But that's just me.
Also: I wish other people would read this so I could call attribute things to The Schwa Effect, because that's pretty BA.

Wide Awake by David Levithan

• Hardcover: 240 pages
• Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers (September 12, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0375834664
• ISBN-13: 978-0375834660
• List Price: $16.95
• I finished this book on Jan. 16

An Open Letter to David Levithan
Dear Mr. Levithan,
Please figure out how to make the beautiful things you write turn into real life. If even half of the things that happen in your books existed in real life (like acceptance, Sound of Music Drag Reviews or Infinite Darlene) the world would be a much cooler place. Please get on top of that stat.
Thank you,
The Management (bee)

Seriously: I effin love this man. He is magic. If DL were to somehow meet and create an intellectual love child with Francesca Lia Block I would experience a joygasm of epic proportions.
Oh, plot? Okay. In the future: First gay Jewish president is voted in ---> election contested ---> the people make a stand. That's all you get. Effing read it.
What is so amazing here are the characters. Jimmy and Duncan are a sweet gay couple with an amazing group of friends that the story centers around. Levithan always has these amazing characters that might be floating off in the peripheral of the story that you're like dying to have lunch with. For me, in this story, it's Gus. He says some amazing things, I love the way he speaks. Also: there is a young man who hates his parents (because they won't let him be Jewish) who unleashes a hilarious tirade on how they are the apotheosis of suck. Love. It. Oh, also: a boy named Sue and his transsexual dad. Oh! And someone says that someone else is "rainbow sprinkles" I frocking love that! I wish someone would say that about me.
So, yeah, this got a seal of approval from me, and I would give it two if I could. I told like six people about how much I loved this today, totally unsolicited. I believe that when you are a librarian you are allowed to be a crazy person about books you like. Either way, you can look forward to more DL book reviews because I have ordered all his books for the library.

Dreamcatcher by Stephen King

• Paperback: 684 pages
• Publisher: Albin Michel (April 9, 2003)
• ISBN-10: 2226131906
• ISBN-13: 978-2226131904
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on Oct. 27

So, as you know, I lurve me some Stephen King. And oddly, I have never read this book before. However, I did watch the film version from 2003 when it came out in theaters. Now, the movie actually follows the book pretty closely but for two things: though Morgan Freeman is effin awesome, he's not Kurtz in my head. You know who is? Maybe a crazy Kevin Spacey, I dunno. The other thing is: was there some obsession with the song Blue Bayou in the movie? I seem to remember that, but it's totally not in the book. (and great, now I have it in my head mmm Linda Ronstadt is dreamy...)
Okay, back on task: shit weasels. That's right. This one is about creepy crawly skeeviati monsters. And evil foliage. Oh, I'm sorry, did you want a real synopsis? Here goes: a group of four friends go camping in the Maine woods and aliens slowly start to take over the world via red fuzz and creepy parasites that cause their hosts to cook up some super-funktastic farts. Also, the superfriends have a mysterious fifth pal, Duddits, whose powers have rubbed off a bit on the others. My friends did give me a Harry Potter Sorting Hat, but that's not quite as cool as goddamn telepathy. Just sayin...
So, this book was super gross and cool. One of the characters gets sort of taken over by an alien and lives for a while in an office in his own head. I loved those scenes, I got chills once or twice somewhere in there. Another example of the magic of my b/f SK. I read this book for the challenge and it gets extra points for allowing me to type the phrase 'shit-weasels' (there! I said it again. hee)

A Clockwork Orange: film review

• Based on the book: A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess
• Directed by Stanley Kubrick
• Written by Anthony Burgess (book) and Stanley Kubrick (screenplay)
• Warner Bros. (1971)
• rated R
• 136 min
• I watched this film on Oct 8

Alright, kiddos, I read this one way back when, near the beginning of this blog. (Actually, my review of it kind of sucks, I'm much funnier now, I feel) So, anyway, I'd never seen the flick. I think for some reason in high school my male pals didn't want me to watch it cause they though it was gonna be too violent for me or something. Hee. Pussies.
So, our young ne'er-do-well, Alex, is a total violent nutbar. He gets into trouble, gets cured and gets un-cured again. I've got to say, I dig their outfits and the milk bar is super cool looking. I totally want to drink my diet pepsi with lemon at a bar with creepy white naked mannequins, effin rad. It was nice to hear that crazy made up language being spoken and I felt all kinds of smart because I had sort of memorized it when I read the book. I totally want to start calling people my droogs and referring to my head as my gulliver. Think that will fly?
Also: let's talk about Malcolm McDowell for a second, k? Linderman was looking kinda good in this, a bit like Ewan McGregor, I feel. All I'm saying is, I might have wanted to make out with him a little. Either way, he had fantastic hair. Also, why I do I remember him from Milk Money so much? Really, why do I remember that movie at all? Ack.
Back on task: so this film followed the book pretty well, but why leave out the last chapter? Boo that. (if you're interested in reading a super in depth synopsis check this out, but really, if you're that interested just watch it) Either way this one followed the story a lot more faithfully than Kubrick's adaptation of my boyfriend Stephen King's The Shining. All in all, I didn't really find this movie all that violent. Maybe with today's standards of gorno movies I am desensitized. Either way, extra points for lots of gratuitous breastages and a giant ceramic boypart.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Hardcover
• Publisher: Arthur A. Levine Books (July 21, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0545010225
• ISBN-13: 978-0545010221
• List Price: $34.99
• I finished this book on July 21
  

Well, my lovelies, it's finally here. I went to midnight madness at our local Borders and let me tell you, it was nuts. There were awesome costumes, my favorites were: a perfect Professor Sprout, a teenage Bellatrix Lestrange, and an amazing Luna Lovegood. There was also a tiny baby dressed up like a house elf: effin cute. Anywho: my boyfriend and I got our books and our complementary posters and ran home to read (guess who is a faster reader, and therefore way cooler? Oh, that's right, this girl). Let me tell you, my dears: we were not disappointed. Hence, the bee seal of approval.
Because you can find spoilers pretty much everwhere on the internet there will probably be a few light ones in here, so beware. However, if you're a diehard I'm sure you've finished by now (unless you're my dad, who will probably still be reading next week).
First off, several of my theories were right, because I am awesome. I liked to see Harry being a bit of a badass in this one. Who calls Voldemort "Tom Riddle"? Only badasses, that's who! Face! Anywho, Ron acts like a baby and then gets over it, and Hermione is a bit more emotional in this book than we've ever seen her which was very cool. Other acts of coolness were committed by: McGonagall, Momma Weasley and of course, Neville, the dark horse.
My favorite part of this book was that we got to see a lot more realistic, 3 dimensional portrayals of some of the characters. Was Dumbledore perfect? Nope, but he was still an amazing wizard and mentor to Harry. Oh, and my boyfriend Snape? Mmm, we are gonna make out (because, you know, he's real).
Overall I was very pleased with this book, though I will admit I'm awfully sad it's over. I will definitely have to reread this one, I'm thinking in the wintertime, when it will taste like comfort food. Anyway: just because it's over doesn't mean I can't yell spells all over the apartment. (the cats especially love this.) Bombarda!
Oooh! Oooh! I almost forgot, there was a bit of swearing in this one! Besides the normal ones like "bloody" (love the Brits) there were a few Bastards, several Arses and a few "effing" which had me cackling at my book. Oh, I love swearing and I love HP and when the two come together it's like a hug from Jesus. Anyway, if you were fighting the Dark Lord you'd be cursing too. I know I would be. And yelling spells. Expelliarmus!
Update: My boyfriend Stephen King has written an amazing review of this book here which you should read. Now. Go do it.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 652 pages
• Publisher: Scholastic Paperbacks (July 25, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0439785960
• ISBN-13: 978-0439785969
• List Price: $9.99

Okay, boys and girls. I have finished this re-reading this just in time to get my hot little nerdy hands onto the seventh and final in the Harry Potter series. The new book comes out tonight at midnight and I will be there with a big orange wristband and bells on.
I'm pretty sure that anyone who plans of ever reading HP knows what happens in this book and those who haven't have had things spoiled by them for sure. However: here is your spoiler warning! In this book HP and the gang are trying to get through a year where they don't battle Voldemort. Actually, they succeed, but fighting his death eaters is just as bad it turns out. Highlights of the book: I am happy to see Ginny and Harry snogging. Hopefully Ron and Hermione next? I am happy Luna made it through the fight. I like her, and I was worried that her secondary character nature might make her a target for J.K. Rowling's Hand of Doom. One more book to go, Luna, hang on! Total upsetting bummers. Um, gee, I dunno my boyfriend Snape killing Dumbledore? That's a pretty huge bummer. I definitely cried the first time I read it and almost became teary again this time during the funeral scene.
The coolest thing about this book is learning more about Voldemort's past. Also, Horcruxes are a very cool idea and completely badass. I also really liked getting to hang out with Dumbledore in this book. It was nice, and cozy, and I wish Dumbledore was my grandfather. Also, points to Fleur for still wanting to marry Bill even though his face is effed up. And p.s. I am totally psyched by the romance between Tonks and Lupin.
So, anyway: here are some of my theories, which are completely unsubstantiated and soon to be proven wrong. 1. Dumbledore really is dead 2. Snape is good. Those are basically the big ones. I have based my life on Snape being good, and will be seriously annoyed if this is not the case. Though, in all honesty, I would probably still make out with Alan Rickman if given the opportunity. I also think that Sirius might come back from the mystery grave. Here's why: that was the most bullshit death ever! Ooh, I got hit by a hex and stumbled into an archway of death. Balls! I say boo to it, and I hope he resurfaces. Also, who is going to be head of Gryffindor house now? I say maybe...Hagrid? I dunno.
So it's only a few hours away and I'm avoiding anyplace on the interweb that might lead me to a spoiler. So, if you are doing the same I send you to this completely safe place to take a fun sorting quiz (cause we can't all be cool enough to have a sorting hat at home like yours truly). Go here and see where you belong. The quiz said I was a Ravenclaw, which I buy. I like to think I'm smart but also acknowledge that I'm not as tough as maybe I should be. Okay, I'm off to nap in preparation for the late night of reading I will be doing. (p.s. I can't stop yelling spells in British accents) Sectusempre!

Fool Moon by Jim Butcher

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Roc; Reissue edition (January 9, 2001)
• ISBN-10: 0451458125
• ISBN-13: 978-0451458124
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on April 26

So, as you may have guessed, my lovelies, this is Dresden Files part deux. Okay, now, guessing game number two. What kind of beastie is associated with the moon and is my favorite after vampires? That's right, Werewolves!! You guys are so smart!
As I'm sure you can guess Harry Dresden, our favorite professional wizard, is on the hunt to track down some badass werewolves with the police. Only this time around Murphy, his cop buddy (who is also happens to think is foxy, though he's sleeping with the hot reporter broad) is super mad at him. I hate that in books: when characters who are buddies spend the whole book mad at each other and you know they are gonna kiss and make up at the end. Makes everything difficult, you know? Besides, things are difficult enough. And here's why: Butcher's take on werewolves is that there are a bunch of different kinds. Those who are cursed (loup-garou) those who are possessed by baddie demons and those who have received the power from fuzzy belts (hexenwolves) amongst others. So, you know, Dresden has enough on his plate without spats with friends.
I kind of liked Butcher's different kind of wolves, but I must admit, when they all hang out it gets a little confusing. There is much fighting, and no eating of beef chow mein. (yeah, that's right, I made a horrible Warren Zevon reference, I'm not sorry). Also in this book Dresden gets knocked about pretty good and we get to see him have to deal with trouble when his magic fails him, which I liked. I also don't believe that I mentioned in my previous post that Dresden routinely uses the stellar phrase 'Hell's Bells' which I love (I often say Yikes Stripes! but I'm thinking I really like that and might steal it).
Might I add that the term loup-garou is French, and what the werewolves refer to themselves as in one of my fav werewolf books, Blood and Chocolate. Reading this also made me think of some of the other werewolf stuff I've read and liked. Might I recommend Bisclavret, one of the twelve Lais of Marie de France. It's this poem about a werewolf man and his wife, and definitely worth checking out. I have more Dresden Files books waiting but I might take a break and read something for the challenge, haven't decided. That's me, keeping you on your toes.

The Postman Always Rings Twice by James M. Cain

• Paperback: 128 pages
• Publisher: Vintage; Reprint edition (May 14, 1989)
• ISBN-10: 0679723250
• ISBN-13: 978-0679723257
• List Price: $10.95
• I finished this book on Feb. 18
  
• This book is number 98 on the list.

I wanted to read this one anyway, and finding it on the list was really just an added bonus. I've seen both the John Garfield/Lana Turner version of the movie and the JackNicholson/Jessica Lange one as well. As for those, I like the older one better, though the new one was sexier and had a better poster. Anywho, having seen those films I was surprised at how short the book was.
This one is called one of the original thrillers, and it does not disappoint. A young man takes a job at a restaurant run by an older man and his femme fatale wife. They begin a torrid/borderline violent affair and decide to kill him. It doesn't work. So they decide anything worth doing is worth doing twice and give it another go. This time they succeed. Then they go to court. And get away with it...for a while.
The story is narrated by the young man, in his sort of poor English tramp speak. There is added bonus 1940's slang (stinko = drunk) and good use of the phrase 'hell-cat'. The story really has an in depth plot and it flows along surprisingly fast. I was impressed with the naughty bits, they were not all that graphic but they were very racy for their time. I was pleasantly surprised on that count.
I also really like the title, and was disappointed not to have an explanation of it in this story (the Lana Turner movie has an explanation, while the Jessica Lange one does not). I suppose I sort of assumed it would be there and it wasn't. Then, in doing research, I read conflicting opinions on what it meant. I'd like to give my take on it, because, well, it's my blog. The title refers to the idea that if you are expecting a letter or package, even if you miss it the first time it comes, the postman will always comes around a second time. Eventually, you will get it. The same is true of fate, even if you manage to dodge it once it will come back around and get you in the end. That is what this story is about, and what makes the ending so perfect and kind of oddly sad at the same time.
My final thought on this one is that it should have been higher on the list, if for nothing else, the appeal it has. It's racy, it's a crime story. It is fun, some of the others on the list...not so much. That's all I have to say about that.