Crank by Ellen Hopkins

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Paperback: 544 pages
• Publisher: Simon Pulse (October 5, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0689865198
• ISBN-13: 978-0689865190
• List Price: $9.99
• I finished this book on July 15

So, okay, first off, this has nothing to do with that movie of the same name starring Jason Statham. Good cover, though, isn't it? If you look close you can see that the words are made up of meth, and that's the main character in this book.
You might think that our narrator: Kristina/Bree is the main character, but the true force in the story is the crystal meth she becomes addicted to. Kristina goes to visit her long lost dead beat pop and on the way becomes enamored with a boy and addicted to crank. Sucks. When she comes home you almost hope she will kick it, but you know she won't. She finds boys at home who can supply her with more drugs, and, as a party favor, rape. Good times.
The downward spiral depicted here is, imo, more jarring than Go Ask Alice because it's a bit more of a narrative story. Oh, did I mention it's written in verse? Cause it is. Hopkins stories are written in a free verse style that allows the scattered thoughts of our girl anti-hero. Also, many of the poems are readable in more than one way (up and down, left to right).
I read one of Hopkins' other books and saw her speak in person (more on that in another post) and she was funny and smart. I really liked listening to her talk about her books, how they are banned and also how they are used in many rehab programs. They are really powerful stuff. But what's most interesting to me about it is this, Crank, along with its sequel, Glass are fictionalized versions of her own family. Her daughter is Kristina/Bree. I think that is really brave. What is even more exceptional, is the way she portrays herself (through her daughter's eyes) as a 40-something career and workout obsessed not perfect mother. It's very powerful stuff to know that someone who seems as reasonable and honest as Hopkins does in person can have a daughter who is a crystal meth addict.
Moral of the story: Read this book. Also, don't google meth unless you want to see the incredibly fucked up things it does to people's faces. Yikes stripes, babies.
Soundtrack: Sanctified by Nine Inch Nails. Most people think this song is about a lady, but it's about drugs.

The Prophet of Yonwood by Jeanne DuPrau

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 304 pages
• Publisher: Yearling (May 8, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0440421241
• ISBN-13: 978-0440421245
• List Price: $6.99
• I finished this book on Feb. 22

Okay, so: good covers, increasingly less cool stories. Seriously: you read this whole book before you even know how it fits into the series.
This is the story of what happens before the "end" of the world that results in the creation of Ember. Nickie and her aunt come to Yonwood to clean out and sell an old family estate. Nickie has three goals: 1. Keep Greenhaven (the estate) 2. Fall in love (p.s. she's like 11) 3. Help the world (oh yeah, the world is in on the brink of war - and the 11 year old can fix it).
So, here's why this book annoyed me. Lots of stuff was unrealistic. First off: what kind of aunt is in the care of their niece and lets her get into major trouble and is so inattentive she doesn't even know the girl is hiding a dog. In their house. Also: religious crazies. They make me furious in real life and even more angry when people actually listen to them in books. That's what's going on in Yonwood. Everyone has taken a dose of the god crazies. Seriously, the whole town. Mike Huckabee would be jealous (he kind of looks like a walleye pug pup, no?).
Anyway, major shenanigans ensue and then everything is cleared up in a few pages at the end. It's like super speed round denouement. Seriously, I felt my hair ruffle as the end came speeding at me out of nowhere.
So, out of this series my favorite is the first, and though these are great for younger kiddos I think I'm over them.

The People of Sparks by Jeanne DuPrau

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Yearling (April 12, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0375828257
• ISBN-13: 978-0375828256
• List Price: $5.99
• I finished this book on Feb. 20

This is the sequel to The City of Ember, and it follows the story of the people of Ember after they escape the underground city into the real world. On the plus side: they have escaped from a dying city which was running out of electricity and supplies. The bummer: it's a post apocalyptic world and it kind of sucks to never have been outside in the sun and heat before.
So, our pilgrims find themselves in the city of Sparks, one of the only fledgling cities of survivors that is finally starting to prosper. The town decides that they have to take in the residents of Ember, which about doubles their population. This, of course, puts a huge strain on the resources and tolerance of the people of Sparks. Eventually, tensions rise, until there is a confrontation between the two peoples.
What is cool about this story is how well DuPrau tells both sides of the story. You can really feel for both the citizens of Sparks and the Emberites. Also, there are jerky people on both sides of the fight and cool people. Eventually things are wrapped up with a neat bow, as you'd expect. This is a very middle school moral of the story kind of book. Predictable for me, but perfect for young readers.
Here's my thing, though: I know why they didn't want the people in Ember to know about the outside world. But...why keep it a secret from the world once it's over and done with? The people of Sparks don't even believe them...ever. Very annoying and implausible, I feel. There is one lame nursery rhyme meant to remind people, but even that is misinterpreted. I feel I would have left some info, maybe a general game plan for re-entry. Just sayin...

The City of Ember by Jeanne DuPrau

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 270 pages
• Publisher: Yearling (May 25, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0375822747
• ISBN-13: 978-0375822742
• List Price: $5.99
• I finished this book on Feb. 8th

This is the first book in a series for middle schoolers. I bought it at a mega sale over the summer and it's been sitting around chatting with other books in the "To Be Read" pile for a while now. I decided it was time to dust it off (literally) and give it a go.
The book is based in the post-apocalyptic underground City of Ember. It seems that the city was built and set up with stores of food and electricity and the people of the city forgot over time what the real world is like. They are left with one set of instructions to get out after what would presumably be a good amount of time for the world to become safe again (250 years).
We meet our heroine, 12-year-old Lina Mayfleet on "Assignment Day" at school. This is the day where they effectively graduate from formal education and are randomly assigned a job (which totally sucks). Lina wants to be a messenger and, of course, pulls the crappy job of pipeworker. Doone, a social upstart who wants to save the failing city pulls messenger and is annoyed. So, you guessed it, they pull the old switcheroo.
Next Lina finds a piece of paper which seems to detail something important, but has been munched on by her baby sister. It is, of course, the instructions for getting out of the city. The problem is, no one knows they are supposed to be looking for it. She and Doon set out to decipher the broken message and save the day.
The idea of the underground city is cool. They have greenhouses, but most of their supplies come from storehouses and of course, the canned good and lightbulbs are rapidly depleting. Which brings me to another point. It's hard for us to imagine a world that's entirely dark but that's how this place is. It is lit only by overhead lights and at night instead of dusk and sunset it just goes dark at lights out. Yikes. Also: the power is failing. And there are occasional blackouts. Can you imagine? During these blackouts the lights are off completely and everything is pitch dark. Here that's not the case, even when there is a blackout there are still stars, there's still the moon, but these people live in fear that the lights will go out forever and that will be it. For some reason, they haven't figured out candles. (Lame).
The story is interesting and creative and the characters are good. The reading level is low, so I'm sure it would be very easy for this to be read by the 9 year olds that Amazon suggests. This series is very popular in the elementary and middle schools that I've seen. Here's a few links to some lesson plans for the book: Random House reader's guide, or the Teacher's @ Random teaching guide.
Oh, and it's going to be a movie with Bill Murray. I just got my paws on the rest of the series so you can expect those reviews soon.

Crush by Carrie Mac

• Hardcover: 106 pages
• Publisher: Orca Book Publishers (May 15, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1551435217
• ISBN-13: 978-1551435213
• List price: $14.99
• I finished this book on Jan. 29

So, okay. Here's the thing. I'm bee and I'm an internet addict. I know this, anyone who's met me knows this (and anyone reading this is probably one too.) The other day at work the internet went down like 25 minutes before quitting time. Nightmare. This book was sitting on my desk and so I started reading it. There you have it.
The book was sitting on my desk because it is part of the Orca Soundings collection and I am going to create a display of them soon. Orca books are specifically designed to be appealing to kids and cover a wide range of hot topics. They are very low reading level, short and use simple vocab. They are, in other words, what we in the business call hi/lo (high interest/low reading level). Their topics range from graffiti to sports to crime to drugs and even prostitutes (that word makes me think of this: funniest song about hookers ever!) So, because I send kids away with them all the time I thought I should probably read one. (Leave it to your girl bee to find the only one about lesbians).
So, yeah. Lesbians. Hope is a hippie kid who grew up in a commune with hemp wearing, no meat eating, madly in love with each other parents. They ship her off to NYC to hang with her druggie, bitchy model sister when they decide to go on an anniversary trip. In short order she meets a young mother who wants to take her in as a nanny (and is, shockingly, a lesbian) and a pretty girl. She is crushing on the pretty girl and of course this raises the "Am I gay?" questions and Hope is pretty freaked out. In a matter of 106 pages our Hope is out and proud and kissing on the dreadlocked object of her affections. Being that it is short and a low reading level, the novel sort of works itself out like a Babysitters Club book or something, except I don't think the BSC ever outed anyone. There are lots of plot holes and of course all of Hope's problems wrap up painfully easy (not to mention how the problem that the girls live in two different states is never addressed). But I'm not mad, this is all more or less to be expected.
Reading this was like a jolly rancher: It's sweet and strong, over quick and leaves a vaguely weird taste in your mouth (don't worry, it doesn't turn your tongue green). I'm glad we have them and I think they are good for reluctant readers. Just as long as you don't pick them up expecting Shakespeare.

The Sweet Far Thing by Libba Bray

• Hardcover: 832 pages
• Publisher: Delacorte Books for Young Readers (December 26, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0385730306
• ISBN-13: 978-0385730303
• List Price: $17.99
• I finished this book on Jan. 14

You may remember that I read the others in this series and have been eagerly awaiting this book for some time now. Also, let me say that these book have the coolest titles and covers. Double extra points and a cherry on top for Ms. Bray. To catch up, read my reviews of the other two books: here and here.
So: in the last book our heroine, Gemma, bound the magic of the realms to herself and promised to make an allegiance with the other forest folk. Let me stop here and tell you a story: the other night by b/f and I went grocery shopping and while I was picking out lean cuisines he threw a frozen pumpkin pie in the cart. Me: "What's that for?" Him: "Our faces." What he really meant was we were going to cook a whole pie, not offer any to our pals, and hoard it and eat it like the dirty pie sluts we are. Selfish pie. Cause you know if you start offering it out then it's gone before you know it and then...no pie. Do you see where I'm going with this? That's right, Gem begins to feel less and less like sharing. Other characters in this book work hard to gain Gemma's good graces by being completely untrustworthy. Not to mention that out of all the nogoodnicks to choose from Gemma picks the worst (Circe, the big bad from the previous book who is now imprisoned) to seek help from and she gives her power. Boo! Another boo? One of my favorite characters totally bites it. Balls. Also: things don't necessarily go the way you think they will in the end, but either way it's satisfying.
On the plus side: there is kissing with Kartik (mmm, forbidden Indian...nutritious and delicious.) Also, the girls seek to create lives for themselves outside of the narrow roles that their culture expects them to play. I love this. Someone becomes an actor. Oh! And someone comes out of the wardrobe (worst gay related - historical fiction joke ever? the world may never know). Hint: it might be someone who is very beautiful and who you thought only loved herself. So, with making one of the characters gay Ms. Bray has successfully covered all teen "problem novel" issues plus written a fantastic historical fiction/fantasy series that is not only deep and beautiful but it looks great on a shelf. Well done. I say: seal of approval to you!
p.s. this is my 100th book review on this site. thanks for reading!

The Tarot Cafe Volume 1 &2 by Sang-sun Park

Volume 1:

• Paperback: 184 pages

Publisher: TokyoPop (March 8, 2005)

• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1595325557
• ISBN-13: 978-1595325556
• List Price: $9.99

Volume 2:

• Paperback: 184 pages
• Publisher: TokyoPop (June 7, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 1595325565
• ISBN-13: 978-1595325563
• List Price: $9.99

First off: my new puppy ate one of these books, which is awful. We won't be repeating that mistake again. In any event: Viggo says they are tasty.
So: this is a fairly popular comic book series. Basically you have Pamela, who has crazy hair, tells fortunes and runs the cafe. She happens to tell fortunes to a hodge podge of different folks: like a dude who's really a cat. Or a blind male model/vampire. So, what you really have is little vignettes of their stories framed by Pammy in the cafe.
The vignette I liked the best was in the first book with the vampire dude. He keeps finding his true love over again and then offing her sister. I hate when that happens. There is also a cool one about a puppet master who's boy puppet falls in love with him. Please enjoy a visual sample, here:

The next book has a little more about Pamela and there's also a werewolf boy, which is cool. I can see how this is popular with the tweeny girls cause it has some dark ideas/themes plus fantasy fun. Here's one thing, now: anime male characters are often very pretty but these guys are downright beautiful (and they might be wearing lip gloss. strawberry lip gloss) and I often had to use context clues and dialog to make sure I knew the sex of the character. See, check out cat boy, pretty, huh? I wish my lips were that full. Either way, it's something I found funny and a little odd. Boys will have to be pretty secure in their masculinity to dig on this as much as the female of the species.
If you lurve this series you can join a fan group here. Also, here's the TokyoPop webpage, if you want to check out similar manga.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Audio CD
• Publisher: Listening Library (Audio); Unabridged edition (August 23, 2005)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0307282279
• ISBN-13: 978-0307282279
• List Price: $50.00
• I finished listening to this audio book on Dec. 22

I always think it's funny when you listen to a book on tape read by a woman and they do the voices. Lynn Redgrave read this and she was amazing, her voices and accents were outstanding. However, many times, when women try to do men they sound like old men because the woman does the voice gruffly to distinguish it from her own. The reason I'm telling you this is because I imaged Mo to be much older than Brendan Frasier who will play him in the movie. You can see the trailer here.
Okay, so, Mo is a bookbinder and he has a secret: he can read things out of books. This is fucking awesome except he can't necessarily control the things he reads out. For example: 9 years ago Mo was reading his wife a story and he accidentally read out two really bad guys, one sort of good guy and read his wife into the story. Balls. I hate it when that happens. Anyway, this is all news to Meggie, his daughter, until the sort of good guy, Dustfinger, shows up and starts a kerfuffle. Turns out, the big bad, Capricorn, has an even bigger bad he wants Mo to read out (not to mention treasure and wenches) of his story while Dustfinger desperately wants to be read back in.
Then, the good guys do lots of stupid things, like get themselves caught, get themselves put into nets and get all their books burned. Double balls. Eventually, they come up with some pretty lame plans to save the day. I don't mean to make fun, it's just this: if I were ever caught by the bad guy I would be very docile and agreeable. Seriously, I feel like things work better if you are not so obviously trying to escape. Maybe play along. People in books never do that, especially pre-teen girls. Give me a break, I would be baking Capricorn and his creepy mother cookies and offering to do their laundry so as not to get myself kilt.
Oh! Dustfinger has a marten with horns. That's this kind of marten, and not Marten Broadcloak, in case you were wondering. P.S. I want to snuggle with a marten. Additionally: my new puppy's middle name is Marten. His first name is Viggo (as in the Carpatian)
So, one of the things I liked about this book was the complete reverence the characters had for books. It was funny to read this and the Thirteenth Tale at the same time because they were both bibliophile books.
I am excited about this movie, but I am worried that it will be cheesy and I can tell from the trailer that lots of made up extra stuff goes down. Either way, I have a crush on Paul Bettany and I hope to see lots of him breathing fire. I also have a crush on Helen Mirren, so that should be good too.
Anywho: this is part of a trilogy, and you can read more about it here. I shall be reading the second book at some point, that's a promise. In case you were wondering, if I could read things out of books I would read out Oy from the Dark Tower series. I would want to read out Edward from the Twilight Saga, or Roarke, from the ...In Death series, but the truth is: they wouldn't be into me so that would be a bummer. I like to think that Oy and I could have fun though. Oy! Un!

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Hyperion (March 27, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 142310126X
• ISBN-13: 978-1423101260
• List Price: $8.99
• I finished this book on Nov. 26

So, first off: this is the first book finished/review from my new house! I'll be posting pictures soon, once we're more situated.
Right, the book: have you ever heard of vampires with different colored blood? Now you have: thanks to this YA vamp tale. Fucking get this: they are rich kid vampires...and they really have blue blood. Ack.
Our heroine Schuyler (who shall henceforth be called Skylar cause that's cooler and I can't spell that other Dutch nonsense) who is apparently a "young Kate Moss" (p.s. i can't stand kate moss. too skinny, not cute, coke addict, grossest boyfriend ever. hate! so much hate i refuse to capitalize. or write complete sentences!) Anywho: Skylar is from a super rich family and goes to some crazy prep school in NYC. Apparently she is goth, and dresses like a homeless person, but also sometimes models. The fuck? Whatever. So, she finds out she's really a vampire. There's some really bizarre vampire history here about how they are totally immortal and die so they can chill out, but then their memories are reborn or something. I dunno, I didn't really get it/like it.
Anyway, nothing is supposed to be able to kill the blue bloods, but (dun dun dun!) something is. Oh noes! So, Sky has to figure it out with the on again off again help of Jack Force, fellow vamp and sometime douche bag. Also, there was something about Jack having to marry his twin sister. V. C. Andrews, anyone?
What I didn't like about this (besides the above) is that these rich kids have an irritating sense of entitlement. Why are three 15 and 16 year olds sitting at a hotel bar drinking cocktails, not to mention getting into clubs. Also, I can't stand name dropping of any kind and there's a fuck-load of that in there too. The only fashion I know is Project Runway (what happened to Andre?)
and I'd like to keep it that way. Do not talk about designers/brands to me in order to impress me, thanks.
So, yeah. Oh, I forgot to mention that absolutely nothing goddamn happens in the end. Not a thing is resolved. At all. Cause there's a sequel. Something about Italy. Or space pirates, I wasn't really listening. Cool cover, but I still wouldn't recommend it.

Eclipse by Stephanie Meyer

• Publisher: Little, Brown Young Readers (August 7, 2007)
• Pages: 628
  
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0316160202
• ISBN-13: 978-0316160209
• List Price: $18.99
• I finished this book on August 8

Remember when I was wistfully missing Edward and Bella? Well, they are finally here. I picked this up as soon as it came out and read it in just over 24 hours. I was almost as excited for this as I was for Harry Potter. Only, unlike HP I have no one to talk about this with, because I don't know anyone else who's read it. When HP came out my phone was ringing off the hook with people who wanted to discuss and scrutinize. Now, there's no one to discuss my favorite vampire love affair with. So, I'll tell you.
Edward and Bella return in the third book in the Twilight Saga. You may remember I reviewed the first two: Twilight and New Moon. In this volume Bella and Edward are about to graduate from high school and they are trying to figure out what to do in the future: turning Bella-wise. So there are some arguments about that because Edward is reluctant to turn her and she's very stubborn. Also, Bella's werewolf friend Jake, who is painfully in love with her stirs up some trouble between the love birds. Including some kissing!! So, poor Bella has to choose between Jake (who's hot, cause, apparently werewolves are super-heated) and Edward who's so cold. I, however, had never had even one beautiful supernatural creature who was vying for my affections. I'm just saying. Regardless: the love triangle action was very cool. I am totally Team Edward, though I can see what is appealing about Jake (he's so hot!).
Anywho: this book also features lots of cool fighting / vampire war goodness. And, the Big Bad was not who I was expecting, so that was cool too. Another cool part of this book was hearing the background stories on some of the other vamps in Edward's family. I was not expecting to ever feel sorry for Rosalie, but...what do you know, I do.
My predictions for this book were woefully wrong. I had hoped to see two things: Bella turned into a vamp and some sexin'. And you know what? Unsurprisingly, I am 0 for 2. Also, no wedding. I expect the next book will come out and it will be the three days leading up to the wedding and I still get nothing. My my that is frustrating. Though the book wasn't what I was expecting it is always nice to spend time with characters like these. The next one should be out in the Fall of '08 and I super want her to release the book Midnight Sun (Twilight from Edwards point of view) but that may never happen. For those interested, you can read the first chapter of that on Meyer's website. For crazy fan news and other related goodies, visit the fan site, here. For general info, go here. Also, this series gets extra point for having three beautiful covers that will look lovely on my bookshelf in my home library some day.
All in all, it went by too fast and now I'm annoyed to have to wait for the next one. Oh, well, I suppose I can find something to read to tide me over...

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Hardcover
• Publisher: Arthur A. Levine Books (July 21, 2007)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0545010225
• ISBN-13: 978-0545010221
• List Price: $34.99
• I finished this book on July 21
  

Well, my lovelies, it's finally here. I went to midnight madness at our local Borders and let me tell you, it was nuts. There were awesome costumes, my favorites were: a perfect Professor Sprout, a teenage Bellatrix Lestrange, and an amazing Luna Lovegood. There was also a tiny baby dressed up like a house elf: effin cute. Anywho: my boyfriend and I got our books and our complementary posters and ran home to read (guess who is a faster reader, and therefore way cooler? Oh, that's right, this girl). Let me tell you, my dears: we were not disappointed. Hence, the bee seal of approval.
Because you can find spoilers pretty much everwhere on the internet there will probably be a few light ones in here, so beware. However, if you're a diehard I'm sure you've finished by now (unless you're my dad, who will probably still be reading next week).
First off, several of my theories were right, because I am awesome. I liked to see Harry being a bit of a badass in this one. Who calls Voldemort "Tom Riddle"? Only badasses, that's who! Face! Anywho, Ron acts like a baby and then gets over it, and Hermione is a bit more emotional in this book than we've ever seen her which was very cool. Other acts of coolness were committed by: McGonagall, Momma Weasley and of course, Neville, the dark horse.
My favorite part of this book was that we got to see a lot more realistic, 3 dimensional portrayals of some of the characters. Was Dumbledore perfect? Nope, but he was still an amazing wizard and mentor to Harry. Oh, and my boyfriend Snape? Mmm, we are gonna make out (because, you know, he's real).
Overall I was very pleased with this book, though I will admit I'm awfully sad it's over. I will definitely have to reread this one, I'm thinking in the wintertime, when it will taste like comfort food. Anyway: just because it's over doesn't mean I can't yell spells all over the apartment. (the cats especially love this.) Bombarda!
Oooh! Oooh! I almost forgot, there was a bit of swearing in this one! Besides the normal ones like "bloody" (love the Brits) there were a few Bastards, several Arses and a few "effing" which had me cackling at my book. Oh, I love swearing and I love HP and when the two come together it's like a hug from Jesus. Anyway, if you were fighting the Dark Lord you'd be cursing too. I know I would be. And yelling spells. Expelliarmus!
Update: My boyfriend Stephen King has written an amazing review of this book here which you should read. Now. Go do it.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince by J.K. Rowling

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
  
• Paperback: 652 pages
• Publisher: Scholastic Paperbacks (July 25, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0439785960
• ISBN-13: 978-0439785969
• List Price: $9.99

Okay, boys and girls. I have finished this re-reading this just in time to get my hot little nerdy hands onto the seventh and final in the Harry Potter series. The new book comes out tonight at midnight and I will be there with a big orange wristband and bells on.
I'm pretty sure that anyone who plans of ever reading HP knows what happens in this book and those who haven't have had things spoiled by them for sure. However: here is your spoiler warning! In this book HP and the gang are trying to get through a year where they don't battle Voldemort. Actually, they succeed, but fighting his death eaters is just as bad it turns out. Highlights of the book: I am happy to see Ginny and Harry snogging. Hopefully Ron and Hermione next? I am happy Luna made it through the fight. I like her, and I was worried that her secondary character nature might make her a target for J.K. Rowling's Hand of Doom. One more book to go, Luna, hang on! Total upsetting bummers. Um, gee, I dunno my boyfriend Snape killing Dumbledore? That's a pretty huge bummer. I definitely cried the first time I read it and almost became teary again this time during the funeral scene.
The coolest thing about this book is learning more about Voldemort's past. Also, Horcruxes are a very cool idea and completely badass. I also really liked getting to hang out with Dumbledore in this book. It was nice, and cozy, and I wish Dumbledore was my grandfather. Also, points to Fleur for still wanting to marry Bill even though his face is effed up. And p.s. I am totally psyched by the romance between Tonks and Lupin.
So, anyway: here are some of my theories, which are completely unsubstantiated and soon to be proven wrong. 1. Dumbledore really is dead 2. Snape is good. Those are basically the big ones. I have based my life on Snape being good, and will be seriously annoyed if this is not the case. Though, in all honesty, I would probably still make out with Alan Rickman if given the opportunity. I also think that Sirius might come back from the mystery grave. Here's why: that was the most bullshit death ever! Ooh, I got hit by a hex and stumbled into an archway of death. Balls! I say boo to it, and I hope he resurfaces. Also, who is going to be head of Gryffindor house now? I say maybe...Hagrid? I dunno.
So it's only a few hours away and I'm avoiding anyplace on the interweb that might lead me to a spoiler. So, if you are doing the same I send you to this completely safe place to take a fun sorting quiz (cause we can't all be cool enough to have a sorting hat at home like yours truly). Go here and see where you belong. The quiz said I was a Ravenclaw, which I buy. I like to think I'm smart but also acknowledge that I'm not as tough as maybe I should be. Okay, I'm off to nap in preparation for the late night of reading I will be doing. (p.s. I can't stop yelling spells in British accents) Sectusempre!

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by J.K. Rowling

• Reading level: Ages 9-12
• Paperback: 870 pages
• Publisher: Scholastic Paperbacks (August 10, 2004)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0439358078
• ISBN-13: 978-0439358071
• List Price: $9.99
• I finished this book on July 16

Okay, as you may have guessed I am a huge Harry Potter fan. And, since the new book is coming out in 4 days I had decided to refresh my memory of the 5th and 6th books. Of course I waited too long and now I'm spending lots of time reading HP to get it done before midnight madness on Friday. My favorite thing to do lately since re-reading these is shouting spells at people. Stupify! Reducto!
Anyway, firstly I will confess that number 5 (OOTP) was not my favorite in the series. There is a lot of teenage brooding (Harry) and actually, a bit of adult brooding as well (Sirius) but rereading it after just seeing the new movie did bring some things back into light for me.
In this book Harry and the forces of good (AKA The Order of the Phoenix) battle the forces of bad (AKA Voldemort and friends) by staying in a dank house, getting lots of detentions and trying to pass exams. Worst synopsis ever? You bet! Anyway: I really liked reading about the Dumbledore's Army classes and hearing the Prophesy again. Also, hearing the Prophesy again made me revise a few of my theories about the upcoming last book (which I will share with you in my next review). Did you remember that the prophesy could have been about Neville? I totally forgot that!
We also get to hear a lot more about Dumbledore and his plans and reasoning for things, which I dig. He gets a bit sentimental in that scene, actually (Aww, someone lurves Harry.) However, one of my favorites dies in this book which pisses me off (also, they effed that bit up in the film).
I liked the new movie version of this a lot, mostly because it cut out a lot of the angsty whining of the kids and added a little more action. Though, I must say, Mr. Daniel Radcliff is looking a bit old to be the 15 year old wizard he is portraying. He looks like maybe we could date in real life. Not that I'm interested of course, cause, you know... I like the old men. So, yeah, that's right, I have my heart set on Snape. Or, as I like to call him, Alan Rickman, my boyfriend. Cause he's a kickass legilimens. Dig it.
If you haven't read the books I highly suggest doing so. Unless of course...you hate fun! If you have read the books and have questions try reading some Harry Potter wikis. Yeah, that's right, there are more than one. Good ones are here, and here. If you want to read college thesis level examinations and conspiracy theories about Harry Potter than go to this site whose very name used to be a spoiler. Or enjoy MuggleNet. If you are into board games I highly recommend Harry Potter Scene-It.
And, in case you guys labored under the delusion that I am anything other than a completely flaming dorky power nerd: please enjoy a picture of me in the sorting hat. Gryffindor!

The Nymphos of Rocky Flats by Mario Acevedo

• Paperback: 368 pages
• Publisher: Rayo (March 14, 2006)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060833262
• ISBN-13: 978-0060833268
• List Price: $13.95
• I finished this book on July 7th

Okay, so right now you're shaking your heads. Another vampire sex romp? I know, I know. Here's the thing for a book with such a sensational title there is no sex in this book. Honest. There is some brief talk about it, but, in the end: no love. Weak.
The plot: Felix was a soldier in Iraq and he accidentally killed some civilians. Then an Iraqi dude turned him into a vampire. Seriously. So, now he's a private detective vamp who walks in the sun (sunscreen, ugh) and doesn't drink human blood (Oh! The Guilt! Double Ugh!) I must admit I'm a little sick of how every vampire in every book doesn't drink from people. Come on! That's what we're here for! You're not scary if I don't think you might attack me for my delicious plasma at any moment.
So anyway, Mr. Not Spooky Pants slaps on some sunscreen and tried to figure out why some broads at this military base have come down with nymphomania. Hehe. Eventually of course, he does figure it out, but the ending is not what you're thinking. Trust me.
This reminds me vaguely both of the Jack Flemming books and the Dresden Files books. I would recommend this book for vampire lovers like me, but the casual vampire reader may not need to go here. It's not the best example of the genre ever. The pros: moderately funny. Kick ass title/cover. Reasonably cool main character. The cons: did I mention the book is about nymphos and has no sex scenes? Mr. Acevedo you tease.
Apparently this is the first in a series. You can check it out, here. Also Mr. Acevedo writes a blog with another vampire writer, here.
This makes me miss my favorite animal drinking vamp: Edward. When oh when is Eclipse coming out (August 7)?

Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison

• Reading level: Young Adult
  
• Paperback: 256 pages
• Publisher: HarperTeen (January 21, 2003)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0060521848
• ISBN-13: 978-0060521844
• List Price: $6.99
• I finished this book on June 30

When I was student teaching in a middle school this book was all the rage with the 8th grade girlies. So it came to me highly recommended as sort of a teen Bridget Jones. I must confess that while I see the fun in books like Bridget, I am not usually into such feminine fare. However, the confessions of 14 year old Georgia Nicolson are silly and fun. Also, quite innocent for such goofy and racy titles.
Basically, we're looking at diary style entries detailing Georgia, her cat, and Robbie: the Sex God (hehe) The British slang is funny and is explained with a little glossary in the back of the book. For your own amusement you can look up slang here. Even more bizarre is the Cockney Rhyming Slang I came across while researching, seriously: huh? P.S. Snogging = kissing, and really, it's an extremely satisfying word to say. Mmm...snogging....
Oh, sorry...anywho: Georgia is fun and she has a crazy cat who harasses people and eats things (but, regrettably, does not talk). Any reluctant reader teen girl would love these books. For me it was a plane ride to Florida read that was quick and funny and simple.
Apparently there are a thousand (or, you know, six) of these books out. Evidently they have some different titles here as opposed to the UK (or I'm making that up, but I definitely saw some weirdness with the titles on US sites vs. UK) my top two favorite titles are: Startled by His Furry Shorts (really, who isn't startled by that?) and Away Laughing on a Fast Camel (watch out, they spit!)
In addition: because every remotely popular thing is made into a movie, this book will be made into a movie sometime in the future. Currently the IMDB page isn't giving me much to go on. I'm hoping they do it justice, and that they don't cast sexy 20 somethings to play the awkward teens, because that annoys me. (Alexis Bledel in both Sin City and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in the same year, anyone?)
I'm super tempted to end this with some horribly cliched British phrase, but I won't. I want you to know I respect you, people, and I'm restraining myself with all my might. Cheerio. Dammit! That one slipped out.

The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman

• Hardcover: 352 pages
• Publisher: Knopf Books for Young Readers (July 22, 1997)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0679879250
• ISBN-13: 978-0679879251
• List Price: $13.60
• I finished this book on June 3

Okay, so this one is the second in the His Dark Materials trilogy. I read the first book last spring when I was in my young adult books class. I have been waiting to read the others for a while now and I finally had time. Not to mention, they count towards the challenge.
The first book (soon to be a movie staring the hungry Nicole Kidman) centers mostly on Lyra, a little girl in a world that both different and similar than ours. In Lyra's world everyone has a Daemon, who is basically an animal version of their soul. The daemon's of children change to whatever animal shape they want but when a child becomes an adult the daemon takes on a fixed form. At the movie's website you can take a quiz and get your own daemon. Mine is a badass wolf, (fear him!) by clicking you can also see what yours might be (and if you do, tell me in the comments!)
In this book there is a lot more going on than just Lyra's exploits. We meet a boy named Will who is from our world, and many other characters. My favorite part of this book is all the different plots going on and the different motivations of all the different characters. Reading I was struck by how real and human so many of the characters felt to me. There is, however, an injury of a character that made me mighty angry and which reminded me of a similar injury in another book which also steamed me up. (hint: dad a chum, dad a chee, I can't help but bring up Stephen King all the time, I'm rubbish.)
This trilogy has a lot going on in the allegory department. Toward the end of this book many things became clear to me and I'm very excited to jump into the next one. The book focuses on, to name a few: sin, evolution, the Fall, and many other religious ideas. I'm expecting there to be an all out war with the heavens in the next book and I'm not thinking I'll be disappointed.
There's about a million sites online dedicated to this series, but here's what I suggest: for character and plot info as well as analysis check out spark notes and the wikipedia article. Also check out the Random House page and this page which has a whole chat community.

Lirael: Daughter of the Clayr by Garth Nix

• Audio Cassette
• Publisher: Listening Library; Unabridged edition (May 14, 2002)
• Language: English
• ISBN-10: 0807205583
• ISBN-13: 978-0807205587
• List Price: $40.00
• I finished listening to this audio book on May 16

So, my lovelies, I know you are wondering why it's been so long since my last post (16 days, an egregious time lapse). Well, this girl got mono. That's right, the kissing disease. And you'd think that it would make for some good reading time, but that's not the case. Anywho, I finally finished this one, and I promise there's more coming in a timely manner.
So, let's get to the matter at hand. This book is the sequel of sorts to Sabriel, though we don't get to really see Sabriel or Touchstone very much. The book centers on the title character Lirael and also on the son of Sabriel and Touchstone, Sam. Lirael is a Clayr - a mystical group who sees the future. Except, Lirael doesn't see the future, and she doesn't look like the other Clayr either (who does she look like, you're wondering? I'll tell you: Sabriel). Lirael is super broken up about this, despite the fact that she is wicked good at charter magic and even conjured/summoned herself up a pal: the Disreputable Dog (yes! You know this girl loves animals that talk!). Also, I love Lirael because she is a librarian. That's right, she works in the great library of the Clayr. When you work there you get a clockwork emergency mouse that magically runs for help in case you get into a tight spot. I'm totally jealous.
Anyway, Sam is supposed to be the Abhorsen in waiting, but he's a total wuss about going into death. So, this story has some serious angst about fitting in and finding your destiny and the major mystery of Lirael's parentage was pretty obvious to me. I still liked it though, even though it tricked me and didn't end. That's right, this exciting tale continues in the final book: Abhorsen in which - I require the following things to happen: (in no particular order) someone to tell me more about the origins of the Disreputable Dog, Sam to stop being a total girly man and Lirael to kiss someone - anyone.
Also, I require more Tim Curry to read to me. If you haven't tried books on tape I highly recommend them - it's a superior way to travel. I strongly believe that there would be no road rage if everyone was hearing a good story in their car. If you're interested here's a list of other books that Tim Curry (my boyfriend) has read on tape. Thank me later

Fool Moon by Jim Butcher

• Paperback: 352 pages
• Publisher: Roc; Reissue edition (January 9, 2001)
• ISBN-10: 0451458125
• ISBN-13: 978-0451458124
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on April 26

So, as you may have guessed, my lovelies, this is Dresden Files part deux. Okay, now, guessing game number two. What kind of beastie is associated with the moon and is my favorite after vampires? That's right, Werewolves!! You guys are so smart!
As I'm sure you can guess Harry Dresden, our favorite professional wizard, is on the hunt to track down some badass werewolves with the police. Only this time around Murphy, his cop buddy (who is also happens to think is foxy, though he's sleeping with the hot reporter broad) is super mad at him. I hate that in books: when characters who are buddies spend the whole book mad at each other and you know they are gonna kiss and make up at the end. Makes everything difficult, you know? Besides, things are difficult enough. And here's why: Butcher's take on werewolves is that there are a bunch of different kinds. Those who are cursed (loup-garou) those who are possessed by baddie demons and those who have received the power from fuzzy belts (hexenwolves) amongst others. So, you know, Dresden has enough on his plate without spats with friends.
I kind of liked Butcher's different kind of wolves, but I must admit, when they all hang out it gets a little confusing. There is much fighting, and no eating of beef chow mein. (yeah, that's right, I made a horrible Warren Zevon reference, I'm not sorry). Also in this book Dresden gets knocked about pretty good and we get to see him have to deal with trouble when his magic fails him, which I liked. I also don't believe that I mentioned in my previous post that Dresden routinely uses the stellar phrase 'Hell's Bells' which I love (I often say Yikes Stripes! but I'm thinking I really like that and might steal it).
Might I add that the term loup-garou is French, and what the werewolves refer to themselves as in one of my fav werewolf books, Blood and Chocolate. Reading this also made me think of some of the other werewolf stuff I've read and liked. Might I recommend Bisclavret, one of the twelve Lais of Marie de France. It's this poem about a werewolf man and his wife, and definitely worth checking out. I have more Dresden Files books waiting but I might take a break and read something for the challenge, haven't decided. That's me, keeping you on your toes.

Storm Front by Jim Butcher

• Paperback: 336 pages
• Publisher: Roc (April 10, 2000)
• ISBN-10: 0451457811
• ISBN-13: 978-0451457813
• List Price: $7.99
• I finished this book on April 19
  

This is Book One (of several books which are making impatient eyes at me from my bookshelf) of the Dresden Files series. I haven't seen the show yet, mostly because I wanted to read the books first, but the show is streaming online if you're interested. Also, I must comment that in my head I've just been thinking of it as Dresden Files. Last night, when someone tried to call it by it's proper name I was all: "Huh?" Then I realized why: it's a bad name. The other titles are better, though, don't worry. I dunno, to me Storm Front seems like a Tom Clancy thing, you know?
So, anywho: the book is about professional wizard Harry Dresden. He's working on two cases - one assisting the police with some major bad magic mojo and one for a private customer who has misplaced her husband. Not to mention that he's in trouble with the White Council and has a sort of parole officer popping in occasionally with a large sword waiting to kill him if he slips up. Apparently, our hero has been sentenced to the Doom of Damocles, meaning that he can be killed for breaking any magic rule (and meaning that every time they mention it I get the song "Sword of Damocles" from Rocky Horror Picture Show in my head).
But the important part for me to explain is not the plot. The best part is Dresden's self depreciating, funny and honest narration. It's similar in tone to the narration of our favorite vampire/mobster/club owner Jack Flemming, in fact (for bonus comparison points: both characters also live in Chicago). I found myself really liking Dresden's storytelling. My favorite line (and one I totally agree with) is this gem: "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face." Totally true, man.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next books and I'm sure I'll eat through them quickly. See you soon, with round 2!

Strangehaven Vol 3: Conspiracies by Gary Spencer Millidge

• Paperback: 176 pages
• Publisher: Abiogenesis (September 21, 2005)
• ISBN-10: 0946790078
• ISBN-13: 978-0946790074
• List Price: $14.95
• I finished this book on April 10

I know you're expecting the exciting conclusion to Strangehaven right now, but too bad: it wasn't the end! That's right, guys, its happened again. Remember A Distant Soil? Argh!! And once again, the last book isn't even available yet. Boo. To. That.
Anyway, I suppose I will begrudgingly tell you what happened even though I'm mad. Ku Klux Klan outfit guys tried to get Alex into their group, and while he was inclined to say boo to that a couple of the people from town convinced him to go in as a spy. Apparently Strangehaven is a kind of magical hot spot that affects the whole world (not to be confused with the Hellmouth, guys). And the KKK dress guys are gonna put the whammy on the universe if they aren't balanced by the white witches in the town.
In other news, the murder (which was actually two like I thought) from the last book is pretty much ironed out and don't worry one of the many ponytailed men was exonerated. There was also more infidelity and the switching of identities. Oooh! And there was a ghost who came back to hang with his wife when she died. That's sweet, and you know it. Warms my heart.
So this is the problem I always have with graphic novels and comics: I can't get my hands on the good ones in order. Hopefully when this next one comes out I'll be able to get my hot paws on it quickly and share it with you all. Cross your fingers
If your interested, you can check out some of Millidge's other artwork: here. And for fun: here's a picture of Millidge with his flowing locks of love falling over his face as he signs some comics. I dunno, guys, it's funny to me.